gotta love church folks

So blogging for me this summer hasn't really happened as you can. It largely it is because I have been super busy working two jobs. The fun Job has taken up way more time then it was supposed to!

So Here has what i have been up to:
I went to Northeast Jurisdictional Conference. Yes, I am a conference junkie. But was really cool to sit in on the candidates interviews and watch Peggy Johnson be elected and then go to the consecration service. Of course I left another conference with more question than answer about what ministry is for me.

I spend the weekend before NEJ exploring the DC metro area while visiting a friend. I am still considering moving there but not for a little while. I really did like it but we still have to weight the pros and cons

I did my first committal service follow a few days later by my first funeral. I guess I am lucky that I have been in ministry almost a year before I had to do them. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

I celebrated my roommate taking the bar.

I have been spending lots of bonding time with the other young adult clergy in town. Let's just there are always lots of laughs and liquid encouragement.

In two weeks I leave for Israel! I can't wait!!!!

Oh and a bonus conversation that happened today:
Parishioner: Pastor, Can I tell you something?
Me: Sure, what would like to tell me?
Parishioner: I think we have the prettiest pastor in the conference
Me: ( not know quite what to say to that) Well thanks ( I walk away knowing that he probably hasn't listened to a word I said since i have been here!)

Do women say that to male pastors??!?!?!?!


Ok now you are caught up on my life.. as you were

Breakthrough!!!

Ok Wow I just had a really really big break through moment. I just read a friend/colleague's blog and I also listened to the first ever young people's address and when I got up to do some of the chores that I need to do I just had a breakthrough. I know why conference encourages me more than it drains me. It shows me how passionate we are about our denomination. Rather I agree with where the passions are placed is not it important but there are a lot of us there who are desperately passionate about our church.

And I can stay a part of this church and become an ordained member of its clergy because I to am passionate about this church. I am passionate about the church but I am NOT the church. I am me I represent my spirituality and my faith, I represent Christianity, i represent the United Methodist church, but the I am not the United Methodist church. I am simply a valuable piece of the body. I can still represent my visions and dreams wholly and with integrity even when i am in direct disgorgement with the church. In the same way that i feel that I can pastor/lead a church of varying views and opinions.

I envision an church that will never be unified in the way that we would like to be, but unified in the idea that we are all God's children. We all need to walk with Christ. We need to love wholly and fully.

Israel and updates

I am so excited in four months I will be going to Israel. It will be my first time and it seems as though I am traveling with a great group of people. I am really excited. It will be so awesome to see the holy sights with thousands of others and to be in the land that Jesus walked. I am just in awe of the fact that it is really going to happen.

In other news everything else is going well. School is going pretty well. I am not really enjoying my classes, but I am at least getting the work done. My class on loss and grief is actually in my favorite class it is the most informative class. The second half of my supervised ministry class is ok too. The work for that class is ridiculous, but when we get together for class we have great discussions and the precept leader is great she knows how to get us talking and is very supportive. My other two classes are requirements and I am just plugging through them. Music and world religion was very interesting last week as we learned about Jewish music, but it is the first time that I was really engaged in class.

Church is going well. I feel as though i am really starting to build relationships. they seem excited to have me and I getting more excited about being there. I can do that partly though because I know i won't be there forever.

Personally there is lots swirling around me which hopefully I'll be able to blog about soon but over all I'm feel pretty good. I'm totally enjoying the nice weather. I think 25 is going to be a great year!

As if i didn't know this already

I knew this already so I don't know it is coming as a shock... but the church still doesn't get it. I keeping hoping and I keep seeing glimpses that the church wants to change. At least they are talking about wanting to change. And even occasionally thinking about just skipping the 20th century since we already missed that, and moving into the 21st. However, today we sat an in all day meeting with our bishop talking about change and visioning, and again I saw these glimpses of hey we are getting this, even the leadership is moving in the right direction. especially when she talked about her vision for merging conferences which is going to happen very soon. i was actually inspired by that.

However are are so not ready ready for a post modern church. It is even still hard for us to think on the post modern perspective, before we throw it out the window. I must say though I did have a really good conversation with a pastor who I have meta few times, but I would have never this type of conversation with. She has been really changed by the church she is serving and is seeing ministry in a whole new light in a very positive way. so that made the day a little more worth while.

* Merry Christmas*

Well I am almost done with my traditional holiday festivities. The last stop will be around 5:30 when we go tot my paternal grandparents house for dessert and presents. I have survived my first Christmas Eve service, although I thought I was going to lose my voice. the service was nice and more special to me than I thought it was going to be. Christmas eve has always been my favorite day of the holiday season. even all those years that I had to go to the evil uncle's house, Christmas eve has always been my favorite. Mostly because of church services. As I looked onto the congregation with their candles lit, every happy memory of every Christmas eve came rushing back.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

A few questions

Ok so I have questions for y'all...

Have any of you been to/lead a special themed worship such as a cancer awareness service or domestic violence awareness service? What did you like/not like? Or why have you not been to or led this type of worship? Would you ever attend/ lead this type of worship?

pleasantly surprised

So yesterday I was a little nervous about my sermon.l Not because I didn't like or didn't think it was good, but because it was very clear social justice sermon. My past few sermons have kind of hinted at social justice and this one more less came out and said we all ( myself included and I was very clear about that) need to be more social justice conscious. I wasn't quite sure how they congregation was going to react. Well they liked it. And told me so, in more then that was a nice sermon on their to coffee hour. One person actually raised it in the joys and concerns, that the sermon was a joy. And this is how I know they really go it.. they were talking about it during coffee hour. They were talking about their experiences with poverty. I was pumped. Hopefully good things are to come.

The Beginings

Well I am three weeks into my time with the little country church that I am serving. My biggest struggle right now is that there are no children in the church. None the only children that have been in the church have been visiting and they have been infants.
It is very very frustrating. Although I was literally just offered help. One of my classmates has training in how to target youth and how to bring them in. AMEN! I am taking her up on that offer. And I am really going to do it. You all are my witnesses. Even if she can't help us it will at least be an attempt.

I feel like my preaching right now is shallow. Which I am largely in control over. Largely though I know it is that I don't feel connected to my congregation. Interestingly enough I have to write a paper about why I preach----> the theology of my preaching. I am hoping that may help me.

It is weird because I feel really in control of my course work. With the exception of the face that I do not have some of my textbook through no fault of my own. They aren't in the bookstore and the book list wasn't available for me to get them online. I have ordered the ones I can and I am just going on from there. And by in control of my work I mean I am getting it done. However, right now it is not as fulfilling as it was last year. Last year's work inspired me and energized me and this year it just isn't there.

The whirlwind

That wind that you hear blowing is coming from my spinning head. School is back in swing and by swing I mean full swing. Welcome to second year and here is you 800 pages of reading to do oh and yes I am also a quarter time pastor at a church where I am the only pastor. So as one of my friends put it I am "quarter -time" ( please notice the quotes). All in all it is going well. I am excited to be back and school in the learning, expanding my brain mode, and I like being able to see my friends and my boyfriend on a regular basis. I have to be very intentional about spending time with my friends because I am not living on campus this year.

So far my appointment is working out well. My congregates seem very supportive. I've preached about 5 times and I feel like there is improvement in my delivery, so i am happy about that. I am still in the feeling them out mode. Trying to figure out what changes they really want make vs what they say what changes they need.

Update

Well summer is flying by there are only three and half weeks left until classes start again. I can say that I am looking forward to classes beginning. At least then life will settle into a more regular routine.

My three Sundays of summer preaching are over. The church that I am serving does combined services with two other churches during the summer with each church hosting three Sundays. So the next time I Preach will be labor day weekend. I thought my three Sundays went fairly well. People seemed to like the services. I actually received a few constructive comments which are helpful. Week 2's sermon wasn't as strong as the other two I felt, but a couple people told me they enjoyed the services so that was nice. Of course I always live in the well did they really enjoy it and did it have meaning for them or are they just telling me that because I'm the young seminary student, but I'll never know so I just move on.

I already have to keep reminding myself that I am only a part time pastor and I really need to be part time. They just seem really excited and hopeful for change. But I need remember rather I am quarter time or half time or full time I need to work with them not for them. I figure if I say it and write it enough I might actually do it.


On the personal side, my boyfriend and I are going to the beach together in three days! I can't wait it will be the first beach vacation that I have had in a few years. Then two weeks after that I spend a week volunteering at our conference camp. Something I look forward to even though it is a pretty tiring week.

My First Sunday

So my first Sunday serving my little country church is done. It went much better then I had expected. My original plan was to leave the service exactly as it was at least for the first couple of weeks I was there. Well that didn't quite happen. The service was about 90% the same as it had been in the past with a few minor changes. I put in a passing of the piece and my goodness it was like giving a bunch of little kids candy... they really seemed to enjoy it. The liturgist was nervous about how he would get their attention back, but it all worked out.

I received lots of positive feed back. even more then the usual that was very nice dear that I tend to hear. People seemed to really listen to the message, which was about being inclusive and welcoming toward theological and cultural diversity. During joys and concerns many joys were shared over upcoming mission projects with some of the immigrant families that are in the area. I was pleased to hear that. Right now the church has no mission budget but I am hoping to change that.

We had an administrative council meeting after church which also went well. They seem like a group that works well together. They were very open to the few ideas that i had.

I was very encouraged by a conversation that i had after church with a couple of members who said they were looking forward to fresh ideas. I keep hearing that and I am starting to believe that they really want them. I'm hoping sooo!

Sunday left me feeling really good for a variety of reasons.. one i survived my first service of the church were I'm the only pastor, two i actually enjoyed myself, the congregation seems sincerely happy to have me , and I'm excited to work with them!

Not that is was all peaches.. i left out a word in the unison prayer when i printed it in the bulletin and i knocked over my water while we were singing the third hymn right before I preached, and it was a union service with another church in the area so I have no idea if many of the people typically attend my church or the other church

Good things are to come! thanks be to God!

Worship

So this isn't going to be a long post it's more of a question and I know there aren't a lot of solutions but I'm asking it anyway.... What do all of you who are in ministry do about your own worship needs. My transition from simply being in worship and leading it is quickly approaching. And I know that I am really going to miss the experience of worship.. what do you all do to fill that need. when school is in session I will have chapel so that will help any other suggestions????

Wow

SO this is such a new place for me to be in and it has lasted for about a month now so I'm quite pumped. I am feeling really good. My life just seems really well rounded and settled out. Maybe it has something to do with the new guy in my life, but I really think a lot of it has to do with me finally realizing that my path to the ordained ministry is well on it's way. Although having this great guy in my life doesn't hurt either. It was interesting in Bible Study on Sunday we had really great discussions and we really go into understanding the history of different texts and the different interpretations. It was awesome. People actually asked for more study. Let's hope that the church I will be serving starting this summer will want some of those same things. The discussions really affirmed how hard it is to really get clear understanding of scripture, how much unpacking there is to do. It's exacting and daunting to me. Especially because being in seminary right now it means that I do that all the time and I almost don't know how to read the text with trying to unpack it with out adding in all the context and history. Daunting because I know that in 20 minutes you just can't get it done. I am really afraid that I am bringing in all of this energy and won't have the time to use it all. Bigger fear is that it will be lost on the congregation. Right now I am going to go on living in the goodness and I'm thanking God for it the whole time.

editor's note: while writing this post the current pastor of the congregation I am serving called and I will be meeting and worshiping with the congregation this Sunday

My latest sermon

I thought i would post my latest sermon. I was pretty proud of this one. I got some positive feedback from the congrgation and I thought it ( and others did too) it was my best deilvery of a sermon yet. Let me know what you think....

John 12:1-8 March 18, 2007

The last two verses of that scripture sound a lot like Jesus is saying pay attention to me the poor do not matter. “Let her alone… You always have the poor with you. You don’t always have me.” The sentiment certainly contradicts the teachings of Jesus found in the other Gospels. A Jesus who asks a man to sell all his possessions and give the profits to the poor (Luke 18:22). A Jesus asking his companions to ignore the poor is simply not a Jesus who comes to our mind. This statement taken at face value or out of context seems out of character.

I looked at how the other gospels handled this story and the other three have him saying very similar things there will always be poor people, but I will not always be here. It makes him seem downright conceited as if he should be the center of attention. As if the poor simply do not matter. When in reality the opposite is true the poor do matter. Sharing with the poor is one of the corner stones of Jesus’ ministry. So how can we see this statement in a better light?

Steve Khul a member and one time president of the crossing.org (a website designed to help people connect the bible with their daily life) examined the passage in this way:

One of our enduring problems is deciding what we should do about the poor among us. We agonize (and rightly so) about political, economic and social strategies that will truly help the poor. But the text identifies a deeper problem of the poor among us. It identifies the way Judas (and we) hides behind the poor, giving the illusion of concern, but only to betray them and advance our own self-interest (v. 6). Health care reform, welfare reform, are all undertaken to help the poor, or so the rhetoric goes. But whose pockets get lined in the process? The fact that "the poor are always with us" gives us the answer: not the poor, but we would-be helpers, the Judas' of the world. As such, the persistent presence of the poor in our midst represents more than failed economic and political systems. They represent our thievery, our greed, our moral poverty, though always well-hidden.

It is not that our well meaning social programs aren’t exactly that; well meaning but are they really helping the issue of poverty? This is true in our own country and I found this to be very true in Guatemala. Guatemala is a beautiful country. It’s a country with beautiful landscapes and a country where the people are warm and welcoming. It is a country where minimum wage is $5 dollars a day and 75% of the people live at or below the poverty line. A country where for some families their one meal a day may come from table scrapes or possibly what they scrounge from a dump. It is staggering to see the devastation that the government caused to their own people, especially the native people.

For thirty years Guatemala raged in a violent civil war. People were disappeared (kidnapped and killed), or simply murdered for no reason other than the government wanted to. The peace accords were signed 1996. Yet, sadly the Guatemalan government is hiding behind their poor. For example, Guatemala has a 70% literacy rate which is low in itself, but it is even more tragic when you hear the truth behind it. It is true that 70% of the population who is registered with government is literate. However, it is impossible to register with the government if you do not have the money to do so.

Another staggering problem in Guatemala is health care. When we were in Guatemala we visited several medical clinics that were mostly supported by United Methodist Churches here in the states. They were not supported by the government at all. In fact they where set up in response to the poor health care provided by the government. In each department (more like a country then a state) there is a hospital. And in communities that the central government deems large enough there is a clinic. Not bad for a nation recovering from a war that lasted over 30 years. What they don’t tell you is often the walk to a clinic is hours. They don’t tell you that the public hospitals and clinics are often closed because the doctors refuse to work because the conditions are unsafe for both the doctors and the patients. Now of course there are private hospitals that serve those who can afford them. Unfortunately most of the people suffering are the poor. At the clinic we visited the cases they treated the most was dehydration due to diarrhea because if lack of clean drinking water.

Now if we take this scripture at face value than according to Jesus it is ok we can forget those suffering with illness and disease mostly because they are poor. That is what he is saying. Right? Somehow I don’t think so. I think what he is saying here is stop fussing over them and making a show of it. He is asking is companions not to let Mary alone, not because he thinks she is less of her as a person due to her economic status. He is asking them to let her alone because their comments are not about taking action to change the situation. Jesus is not about words, he is about action. Jesus is about taking real steps to create positive change. He would much prefer his companions to look at their own lives, instead of judging Mary. It would be more productive if they took steps to live more simply. He encourages simple living for a variety of reasons. First, we can not worship two gods. We can not worship our things and God. Secondly, the more simply we live the more there is to share. Just think if we cut back on the resources we used. Think of the amount of waste we produce and the resources we abuse.

It is especially important that we figure out how to address the poor seeing how we live in the richest country in the world. Our poor would be considered wealthy in other countries. We live very comfortable lives. What do we do for the poor? What do we do for the poor in our country and in other countries? I recently watched the Diane Sawyer special Waiting on the world to change. The special focused on those struck by poverty in Camden, NJ. There was this one little boy who was so excited about starting school in the fall. He worked very hard all summer learning his numbers while he moved from temporary housing to temporary housing. By the time he went to kindergarten he could count to 10, yet he could not name the three meals of the day. He never had eaten three meals a day. So poverty is a problem in our own country. It is the actions of our own country and other developed countries that have perpetuated the problem of poverty around the world. 20% of the world’s population live in developed nations and consume 86% of the world’s goods. In the US 40-50% of all food ready for harvest never gets eaten. The wealthiest 20 % of nations in the world consume 58% of total energy, while the poorest fifth consume less than 4% , the wealthiest 20% of nations in the world have 74% of all telephone lines, the poorest 20% have 1.5%, the wealthiest 20% of nations consume 84% of all paper, while the poorest 20% consume 1.1% the wealthiest 20% of nations own 87% of the world’s vehicle fleet, the poorest 20% own less than 1%. These numbers are staggering. Yet, while these numbers are staggering there are actions we can take to change this. First, we can volunteer in mission. I think experiencing poverty first hand is the best way to learn about it. To live with out hot water for a week or with out constant electricity can be an eye opening experience. Now I know not everyone feels they have the time to go out of the country in mission. There are plenty of opportunities for mission in our own country. There are depressed areas all over the country and even in our immediate area. How about volunteering at a soup kitchen or mentoring a student. Well, then that would take away from family time, what better way to spend family time then to volunteer together? Volunteering not your thing, what about making an effort at cutting back on consumption? Using high efficient light bulbs, eating a vegetarian meal once a week, making sure plastic gets recycled.

It is actions such as those then can help create change. It is in taking these actions and making changes that we can live out our Christianity. In the scripture Jesus asks his companions to stop judging Mary because they are simply talking and not doing anything. Not only are his companions not doing anything, but Mary is honoring him. She is taking action to demonstrate her faith. In the last verse Jesus says “She’s anticipating and honoring the day of my burial." Anticipating and honoring. Honoring. Yes his guests have invited him to a banquet, but it is Mary who showed her reverence for him. The actions of the poor and oppressed Guatemalans remind me of the actions of Mary. In their pain and in their poverty they still reach out to each other. They share with each other. They share with complete strangers. I was absolutely amazed at their hospitality and warmth. Everyplace we went the people welcomed us. I can’t count the number times I was hugged, the number of times that I was told I was family. These people were absolutely serious. At first we thought it was simply because we were Americans, but it had nothing to do with that. Two of the three medical clinics we visited were started by men in their homes. The men who started these clinics and the men and women who staffed these clinics often get very little in return. Many of them have jobs beside the medical clinics. The medical clinic was their offering to their community. They just as easily could have only helped their own family. One if the men actually donated the land that the clinic was on. Not only did he donate the land for a Medical clinic but also for a church as well because the nearest church was a two hour walk that the majority of the community actually made. That was valuable farm land. Farmland that his family used to make their money. Now they work in another farmer’s field or find other means of a job for income. It just shows those with the least sharing the most.

So how is it that Jesus can so easily say leave the poor alone because they are always with you? Especially when it seems that there is so much that we can learn from them. Yet if all we do are going to do is chastise them then maybe it would be better to “let them alone” and follow Jesus. Of course in following the example of the life of Jesus there seems no way it is possible to ignore the poor. Jesus knew that He really wanted to people to live out his teachings. He never asked anyone to worship him, he called them to action. He called them to spend time in prayer, to give up their positions, to love one another as they love themselves. All that involved action, involved change, often hard changes. Yet, those changes are necessary to live a life closer to God.

I would like to share a portion of a poem by Calvin Miller with you

My easy Christ has left the church.

Who can say why?

Maybe it’s because His video-logged apostles all

read diet-books, travel agency brochures

and Christian fiction thrillers

on how the world should end

But none read books on what the starving ignorant

should do until it does.

He left the church so disappointed that Americans

could all spell “user friendly”

but none of them could spell “Gethsemane”

Can we say for sure he’s quit?

Oh yes, it’s definite, I’m afraid:

He’s canceled his pledge card.

I passed him on the way out of the recreation building

near the incinerator where we burn

the leftover religious quarterlies

and the stained paper doilies

from our Valentine banquets.

“Quo Vadis, Domine?” I asked him.

“Somewhere else,” he said.

My easy Christ has left the church,

walking out of town past seminaries where

student scholars could all parse the ancient verbs

but few of them were sure why they had learned the art.

He shook his head counfounded that many

had studied all his ancient words

without much caring why he said them.

He seemed confused that so many

studied to be smart, but so few prayed to be holy.

Some say he left the church

because the part-time missionaries were mostly tourists

on short-term camera safaris,

photographing destitution to show the

pictures to their missionary clubs back home.

I cannot say what all his motives were.

I only know I saw him rummaging through dumpsters

in Djakarta looking for a scrap of bread

that he could multiply.

“Quo vadis, Domine?” I asked him.

“Somewhere else,” he said.

He’s gone - the melancholy Messiah’s gone.

I saw him passing by the beltway mega-temple

circled by its multi-acred asphalt lawn,

blanketed with imports and huge fat vehicles

nourished on the hydrocarbons of distant oil fields

where the poor dry rice on public roads

and die without a requiem, in unmarked graves.

Is it certain he is gone?

It is.

There are issues in this poem that I struggle with. I went on a mission trip and I’m sharing my pictures with you after this sermon. There in lies my struggle in that by sharing these pictures that I took with my digital camera I want to share my experience, but while I am really am sharing my experience I am also demonstrating my privilege. Jesus did not start his ministry in order to start a new faith tradition. His ministry focused on the way people lived in relationship to God and to each other. We as present day Christians especially United States have a lot of work to do. Everyday feel like I struggle with tough questions and choices the same way you do. Most days I don’t know if I get it right. They are tough choices and decisions. It is my prayer for each of us we can make these decisions thinking about the example Jesus has given us.

Inside or outside

To stay and fight from within the church or to fight the injustices of the church from the outside is the question. We talked about heterosexism in Social process today and it just sends me into a state of confusion. How do I become a part of an institution that for so many years on this issue and so many other issues has done nothing but perpetuate stereotypes and encourage discrimination against a minority? I want to serve God not simply serve a denomination. However I really like Wesleyan theology, and therefore like a lot of the teachings of the United Methodist church, but their stance on LGBTQ community is just insane. It is just was insane as there being a central conference for Blacks.

I have known from the beginning that this issue was going to be a struggle for me. I have known the question form the beginning has been fight from the inside or the out? And it used to be very clear to me that the answer was fight from the inside. But is that being hypocritical? I can't think of a better example but I feel in some ways that it is the equivalent of me joining the KKK. And I realize the Church is not the KKK, but we are doing similar damage. Even if we aren't doing our members are doing it in the Name of God.

I want change. I want not to feel angry with the church or with God. I just don't get it. Do we see the hurt and pain that we have caused. People argue and argue that in the eyes of God this is a sin. That their actions are justified by God. Well supposedly as Christians we are supposed live as Jesus lived... can someone please show me somewhere in the Bible where Jesus oppresses the oppressed? The only time Jesus comes close to oppressing anybody is the money changers in the Temple. The money changers who were taking advantage of people.

Maybe this is me letting myself off the hook. But last i checked it was only up to God to decide who is sinning, not me, not a pastor, not the pope, not a bishop, but God. God makes that decision. Hey folks wake up! We want our lives to be simpler well you can take this burden off your back. Stop trying to judge other people's sin.

So where does this leave me? It leaves me still loving theology school. Still struggling with hard questions. Knowing for dang sure that God has called me to this. Still questing what I got myself into when I accepted this call. Wondering what exactly I am supposed to do with this call. Wondering if with this thoughts and opinions like these if I will ever get ordained?

I really believe God loves us ALL I just wish I could get the Church to spread that message and mean it.

(editor's Note: I do not feel that the church is close to being the KKK this post with written with a lot of emotion. I just feel as though it my be hypocritical for me to become a leader in an organization that openly discriminates against a group of people)

Service preparation

This post is going to be short, but I just have to write. My sermon is finally done. It now just has to be practiced. I can't believe I'm preaching in 8 days.

Right now I'm working on the visual presentation (my church has a very cool projection system where we put up the hymns lyrics, prayers, etc with images to go along) and the search for imagines is ridiculous. I'm looking for pictures of people or hands united together and in every single one the "united" people are segregated. In the drawing races are intermixed put in the actual photographs the people are segregated. It's the oddest thing. There was even one web site that was about being inclusive and the white people where in the front and the minorities were in the back. How inclusive is that?

Anyway, back to searching....