Monday, February 25, 2008

I am

Some times I feel like all I do on this blog is complain. So i wanted to post something positive here. I have been going through a lot of angst in my life lately and I have realized that quite a bit of it is self created. A lot of it come out of trying to live my life through someone else's lens. I know that there will be more angst to come, but I I think some of it will settle because a huge monkey came off m back today. As a result of some conversation with a few important people in my life I have come to claim a few things about myself and I think they need to be posted here.
I am a child of God
I am a friend
I am a sister
I am a daughter
I am called to ministry
I am biracial
I am ready for a struggle
I am me

General Conference

Ok so General conference is coming up in the Methodist church and there has already been a lot of blogging going on already. And of course the hot button issues of human sexuality keeps rearing it's head. Here's my question why is that the one issue both sides dig in their feet for and are ready to fight till possibly the death? Now I am of course one of those people I do feel that it is a very important issue of inclusively, love and civil rights. I am not throwing any stones in glass houses here or I am at least not trying too.

However, I don't feel like there are any other really burning issues that people are really passionate about. Maybe I just don't know enough yet. Maybe, there are other issues that we feel passionate about. I know that we need to start getting passionate about saving the Church. Not just the Methodist church but the church in general. We are losing a whole generation and I am afraid we are simply going to continue losing generations. I think we need to look at how far we have gone away from Wesley's vision ( at least in my opinion).

So what do you think is important? What issues should we as a church be discussing

***** Beth Quick has a similar conversation going on over at her blog

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Lots of questions no answers

So I haven't really had much inspiration to blog recently. Or at least when I have an idea I typically have at least 101 other things to do. However yesterday I had lunch with one of my classmates Melissa who along with her husband and two of our other classmates want to do a church plant in New England.

Melissa and I of course had a conversation about church and how frustrating it can be yet how much we love it . Especially the United Methodist Church. Melissa is debating about what to do next year as to rather or not to take a part-time appointment or to take a job as more of a program/ small groups director at another church. When talking to the pastor at the church of her second option she was asked a simple question... "Why aren't doing what you already know want (called?) to do?" And that got us talking at lunch. Why aren't we living out the ministry we called to do. Yes I know many of your are thinking you are seminary is part of the process you are living out your call. And yes in many way I agree with you. But there is also this part me that wonders about why is ordination so important ( yes it still is very important to me I'll discuss that in another post) and why are we so drawn to the Methodist Church even when sometimes it becomes and optical to what we feel called to do.

We didn't come up with a whole lot of answers during this conversation. (To be honest at seminary we never really do come up with answers, but we sure do know how to complain!) However, it did really get me thinking. Truly thinking about how to at least start to come up with plausible solutions (if we ever do come up with solutions they typically are to idealistic/unrealistic).

Right now I am at the point where for me personally, I need to truly get down to what I want vs what I am called to do. I need to set aside some of the want pieces and be authentic in my call. I need to accept that there are obstacles that at this point are very navigable. I need to stop living in both the fear of failure and the strange feel of success. In some ways feel as though I am my own biggest obstacle.