Lots of questions no answers

So I haven't really had much inspiration to blog recently. Or at least when I have an idea I typically have at least 101 other things to do. However yesterday I had lunch with one of my classmates Melissa who along with her husband and two of our other classmates want to do a church plant in New England.

Melissa and I of course had a conversation about church and how frustrating it can be yet how much we love it . Especially the United Methodist Church. Melissa is debating about what to do next year as to rather or not to take a part-time appointment or to take a job as more of a program/ small groups director at another church. When talking to the pastor at the church of her second option she was asked a simple question... "Why aren't doing what you already know want (called?) to do?" And that got us talking at lunch. Why aren't we living out the ministry we called to do. Yes I know many of your are thinking you are seminary is part of the process you are living out your call. And yes in many way I agree with you. But there is also this part me that wonders about why is ordination so important ( yes it still is very important to me I'll discuss that in another post) and why are we so drawn to the Methodist Church even when sometimes it becomes and optical to what we feel called to do.

We didn't come up with a whole lot of answers during this conversation. (To be honest at seminary we never really do come up with answers, but we sure do know how to complain!) However, it did really get me thinking. Truly thinking about how to at least start to come up with plausible solutions (if we ever do come up with solutions they typically are to idealistic/unrealistic).

Right now I am at the point where for me personally, I need to truly get down to what I want vs what I am called to do. I need to set aside some of the want pieces and be authentic in my call. I need to accept that there are obstacles that at this point are very navigable. I need to stop living in both the fear of failure and the strange feel of success. In some ways feel as though I am my own biggest obstacle.

Let it snow let it snow let it snow

OK well i am going back on what I used to say. I used to always so I liked snow until Christmas and then I was done. well I have decided I like snow on Christmas eve as long as it is not to much to mess up travel plans, so that there can be a bout an inch or two of snow on the ground for Christmas Day and then i am done. Same New Year's eve a light snowfall at Midnight is perfect. To bad I live in the Northeast and that is just not the case. We are well into storm number three. the first storm was mostly ice , the second storm was ice and snow and the third storm was snow (4inches) and now sleet. oh fun oh fun.

What i have learned is that when my parents can longer shovel their own driveway I am either hiring someone to do it for them or they are going to live in "the home". We live in the same town as my grandparents which has been wonderful growing up, but now it means that we have two driveways to clear. Even with the snow blower (snow thrower depending on where you are from) it is a lot of work. It is kind of sad up until last winter Grandpa who was 85 at the time could still do all of this stuff for himself. sadly in the past couple years grandpa's health has been in a real decline. Unfortunately none of my 2000 ( OK not that many but there are a lot) want to really deal with it. Leaving my parents to deal with most of it. To be honest my one of my parents is handling it better than the other. It has consumed our lives and conversations and is just causing stress. of course I realize that a large part of the problem is that my parents are HORRIBLE at communicating.

Needless to say this is certainly a learning experience for me. Both in life and in ministry. I am in no way trying to counsel my family but definitely keeping track of things to keep in mind anytime I see this in the future.