So I haven't really had much inspiration to blog recently. Or at least when I have an idea I typically have at least 101 other things to do. However yesterday I had lunch with one of my classmates Melissa who along with her husband and two of our other classmates want to do a church plant in New England.
Melissa and I of course had a conversation about church and how frustrating it can be yet how much we love it . Especially the United Methodist Church. Melissa is debating about what to do next year as to rather or not to take a part-time appointment or to take a job as more of a program/ small groups director at another church. When talking to the pastor at the church of her second option she was asked a simple question... "Why aren't doing what you already know want (called?) to do?" And that got us talking at lunch. Why aren't we living out the ministry we called to do. Yes I know many of your are thinking you are seminary is part of the process you are living out your call. And yes in many way I agree with you. But there is also this part me that wonders about why is ordination so important ( yes it still is very important to me I'll discuss that in another post) and why are we so drawn to the Methodist Church even when sometimes it becomes and optical to what we feel called to do.
We didn't come up with a whole lot of answers during this conversation. (To be honest at seminary we never really do come up with answers, but we sure do know how to complain!) However, it did really get me thinking. Truly thinking about how to at least start to come up with plausible solutions (if we ever do come up with solutions they typically are to idealistic/unrealistic).
Right now I am at the point where for me personally, I need to truly get down to what I want vs what I am called to do. I need to set aside some of the want pieces and be authentic in my call. I need to accept that there are obstacles that at this point are very navigable. I need to stop living in both the fear of failure and the strange feel of success. In some ways feel as though I am my own biggest obstacle.