Breakthrough!!!

Ok Wow I just had a really really big break through moment. I just read a friend/colleague's blog and I also listened to the first ever young people's address and when I got up to do some of the chores that I need to do I just had a breakthrough. I know why conference encourages me more than it drains me. It shows me how passionate we are about our denomination. Rather I agree with where the passions are placed is not it important but there are a lot of us there who are desperately passionate about our church.

And I can stay a part of this church and become an ordained member of its clergy because I to am passionate about this church. I am passionate about the church but I am NOT the church. I am me I represent my spirituality and my faith, I represent Christianity, i represent the United Methodist church, but the I am not the United Methodist church. I am simply a valuable piece of the body. I can still represent my visions and dreams wholly and with integrity even when i am in direct disgorgement with the church. In the same way that i feel that I can pastor/lead a church of varying views and opinions.

I envision an church that will never be unified in the way that we would like to be, but unified in the idea that we are all God's children. We all need to walk with Christ. We need to love wholly and fully.

Wow

SO this is such a new place for me to be in and it has lasted for about a month now so I'm quite pumped. I am feeling really good. My life just seems really well rounded and settled out. Maybe it has something to do with the new guy in my life, but I really think a lot of it has to do with me finally realizing that my path to the ordained ministry is well on it's way. Although having this great guy in my life doesn't hurt either. It was interesting in Bible Study on Sunday we had really great discussions and we really go into understanding the history of different texts and the different interpretations. It was awesome. People actually asked for more study. Let's hope that the church I will be serving starting this summer will want some of those same things. The discussions really affirmed how hard it is to really get clear understanding of scripture, how much unpacking there is to do. It's exacting and daunting to me. Especially because being in seminary right now it means that I do that all the time and I almost don't know how to read the text with trying to unpack it with out adding in all the context and history. Daunting because I know that in 20 minutes you just can't get it done. I am really afraid that I am bringing in all of this energy and won't have the time to use it all. Bigger fear is that it will be lost on the congregation. Right now I am going to go on living in the goodness and I'm thanking God for it the whole time.

editor's note: while writing this post the current pastor of the congregation I am serving called and I will be meeting and worshiping with the congregation this Sunday

My first DCOM meeting

For all of you who aren't Methodist DCOM stands for District Committee of (on?) Ordained Ministry. They are the first group of people who will decided rather or not I can be ordained. So I met with them for the first time yesterday. It was just a getting to know you meeting, so I wasn't to nervous. They asked me my call story, which I managed to leave out a chunk of ( so I guess i was a little more nervous then I thought). Then they asked the typical where did you go to undergrad?, what did you major in?, etc. The last question was what do you want us to know about you? this stumped me a little and then I came up with this: That my calling really is figure out some way to help my generation create a relationship with God then hopefully with the church. I talked about loss of the feeling of community etc.

I was feeling OK about how it went. I didn't think it was spectacular or anything. Then the chair of the committee came into to my pastor's office (the meeting was held at the church I attend) to fill out some paper work and I was sitting there and she paid me a really nice complement which totally caught me off guard. However, it made me realize that I really can do this. I have been feeling pretty good lately about the whole going into ministry thing anyway, but for the first time I really understood that this really is in me. I had a conversation with one of my friends about it and I related it this way. It's like at a job interview you go out of your way to impressive to the point were you almost try so hard to be yourself that you aren't. I didn't feel that way. I really felt like just being me was enough. Gosh, I really hope that I am not sounding cocky here. The reason why I am sharing is because I have never really had this feeling before. I've always felt like my successes were someone else's. While now I have this understanding of being fully capable of fulfilling my call I know that I will always always always be indebted to and in of the people in my support system [especially my mentor cause she rocks! ;-) ] and that they are part of the reason that I am capable. Thanks y'all