Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Inside or outside

To stay and fight from within the church or to fight the injustices of the church from the outside is the question. We talked about heterosexism in Social process today and it just sends me into a state of confusion. How do I become a part of an institution that for so many years on this issue and so many other issues has done nothing but perpetuate stereotypes and encourage discrimination against a minority? I want to serve God not simply serve a denomination. However I really like Wesleyan theology, and therefore like a lot of the teachings of the United Methodist church, but their stance on LGBTQ community is just insane. It is just was insane as there being a central conference for Blacks.

I have known from the beginning that this issue was going to be a struggle for me. I have known the question form the beginning has been fight from the inside or the out? And it used to be very clear to me that the answer was fight from the inside. But is that being hypocritical? I can't think of a better example but I feel in some ways that it is the equivalent of me joining the KKK. And I realize the Church is not the KKK, but we are doing similar damage. Even if we aren't doing our members are doing it in the Name of God.

I want change. I want not to feel angry with the church or with God. I just don't get it. Do we see the hurt and pain that we have caused. People argue and argue that in the eyes of God this is a sin. That their actions are justified by God. Well supposedly as Christians we are supposed live as Jesus lived... can someone please show me somewhere in the Bible where Jesus oppresses the oppressed? The only time Jesus comes close to oppressing anybody is the money changers in the Temple. The money changers who were taking advantage of people.

Maybe this is me letting myself off the hook. But last i checked it was only up to God to decide who is sinning, not me, not a pastor, not the pope, not a bishop, but God. God makes that decision. Hey folks wake up! We want our lives to be simpler well you can take this burden off your back. Stop trying to judge other people's sin.

So where does this leave me? It leaves me still loving theology school. Still struggling with hard questions. Knowing for dang sure that God has called me to this. Still questing what I got myself into when I accepted this call. Wondering what exactly I am supposed to do with this call. Wondering if with this thoughts and opinions like these if I will ever get ordained?

I really believe God loves us ALL I just wish I could get the Church to spread that message and mean it.

(editor's Note: I do not feel that the church is close to being the KKK this post with written with a lot of emotion. I just feel as though it my be hypocritical for me to become a leader in an organization that openly discriminates against a group of people)


Presbyterian Gal said...

God bless you in your struggle and on your path. Your core beliefs are so righteous, gal! Just to shine some light on the other side, don't you find it contradictory and disingenuous for any church to condemn the LGBTwhatever other letters for just trying to love the only way they are able, and to completely ignore the hetero pastors who: cheat on their spouses, beat their kids, lie to their sessions or church leaders, and break about 9 of the 10 commandments daily? Something's out of balance and it isn't Jesus. Just sayin'

LutheranChik said...

Kristen: I am going through the same struggle as I discern what to do with my lay ministry training. The Troubles in the ELCA have really caused me to lose heart in the whole proposition...and yet I still feel called to serve God's people. Maybe that's going to happen through some ex officio means; especially if I refuse to sign the unjust "Visions and Expectations" agreement that ELCA clergy and rostered lay workers are supposed to agree to; because I will not lie on my own behalf, and I will not support my denomination's perpetuation of injustice toward a sizeable segment of our membership. I don't know what to do. But know you're not alone.

Kristen said...

Presbyterian Girl... I agree with you whole heartly that it is a shame that we ignore those issues!

Sally said...

Keep on struggling and asking questions, I think there are more question askers than folks who see things in black and white terms- that can only be good
prayers for peace and blessings on your journey

Becca said...

you know my answer--fighting from within, although every time I look at L I question that decision again. if you're asking how do you respond to a vow to 'uphold the book of disicpline', my response is that part of upholding something is correcting it when it is wrong. but I don't think that's what you're asking. and i don't have an answer for that. yes, I feel culpable for leading within an institution that is so wrong in places, but I don't know how else to make it change, and i don't know of any other place where I could take a stand as well as I can in my church. I have more pull there than in the government, certainly. and i do believe, very strongly, that the church will come around within our lifetime. i really do think that.