Revgals Friday five

Friday Five: What Are You...

1. Wearing.... Jeans and my favorite NYC Madrid T-shirt

2. Pondering.. how will I be effective in ministry..

3. Reading.. i am in seminary I'm reading lots of stuff for school

4. Dreaming... two things the possibilities of a future of healing and positive change and this great new person in my life

5. Eating.. mart ones ravioli

In a good spot

I have to say that I am in the best spot that I have been in a really long time. A large part of it has to do with the facts that I am finally able to take steps to get the candidacy process started. Yes I still have lingering questions about "The church" are policies and actions. Yet, there is this just something inside me that says this is still the place for you. This is the place where you can live out God's call for your life. That taking this possibility is going to make you happy and be fruitful. A large part f that comes form classes this semester and hearing that these thoughts that I have had for a long time others have had, and are valid theological. Another part of that comes from so many people who are in ministry that these questions are OK to have and in some cases even good to have. Third I feel much better about myself. I feel better about my own identify. I don't feel like I have to fit into some mold. There is no mold that will make my a better friend, pastor, daughter, PERSON, etc. The only thing that i can be is me. Me has to be enough and if it's not well there is nothing I can do about it so I need to move on to the next thing.

Now I know that this feeling may not last forever. that my questions nerves and doubts on occasion are going to rear their ugly head. I will need to live in those moments and see what comes out of them.

I just have to say thank you to the wonderful people around me who listen to me and support me as i drift from one emotion to another and still love me just the same.

So much to say so little time

Ok SO I haven't posted in a while but so much has been going on. School is going well I can't believe my first year is almost over. That is just crazy to me! This semester has been full of the usual ups and downs, but i feel like I am in a really good place. i think a lot of that comes from the people around me telling me that the questions I have are good and valid. I went back and looked at my journal from two years ago and it was very funny for me to be able to see my growth.

This past Saturday was our district conference. It went fairly well. legislation was very quick but we of course couldn't talk about most of the legislation. We are saving all of that for Annual conference Joy of Joys. although we did show two videos at conference that later became referred to as the white and black videos. We are having a service of repentance for the black racial discrimination of the past. We watched a video on the history of Black Untied Methodists. Right before that we watched a video about the potential merger of some of the conferences in New York State. There was not a single person of color in that video. It was interesting to see the contrast. Now none of the the NYS conferences are terribly diverse which i think is the bigger issue. The UM church in our region is not appealing to the minority community in the same way it doesn't really appeal to young adults. That is big issues. You can't have people in a video that don't exist. Not that there aren't any minorities in our conferences there are just very few.

One of the fellow pastors pointed out to me the hypocrisy of this repentance service. We are still contributing to to racism and discrimination. We have not learned from our past mistakes that is for sure. While I think this act/service is needed. We really need to change our actions!

Last thing and then I have to do some work before class. I am dating a wonderful guy. We meant through a mutual friend and it is in its very early stages but I have to say i am very happy!

Friday Five

Friday Five: Surprised By Joy

Jesus said to them, "Children, you have no fish, have you?" They answered him, "No."
He said to them, "Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some." So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on some clothes, for he was naked, and jumped into the sea. (John 21:5-7)

Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning. (Psalm 30:5b)

This week I've been watching parents of the young people slain at Virgina Tech trying to make meaning out of the lives of their lost children, and each one seems to begin by focusing on something joyful about that child. It's a gift that most humans have brains wired to respond in that way. For some of us it can be harder to work our way out of dark places, but I believe joy remains the key. It is the spirit of resurrection.

Tell us about five people, places, or things that have brought surprising, healing joy into your life.

1. Spain and all things spanish and hispanic... who ever thought that another culture could bring one person such Joy

2. Little kids especially my cousins... The love of a child seems as thought it can change any mood into a bright one

3. Church.. although the church causes lots of pain and it is organization i struggle with often my church family has been amazing. Being in the sactuary makes me feel at peace, and worship has become surpingly important to me. A big change from when my parent shad to force me to go on Sundays

4. Music.. up until recently I had no idea how much listening to music brings joy to m life

5. My friends... I love them all and each one never ceases to surprise me.

Blogiversary

Today is my one year Blogiversary! It was a year ago today that I started sharing my journey with you all. This blog has been a great outlet for me. I have through enjoyed the community here especially The Revgalblogpals, you guys rock!

So a year ago I was getting ready to preach my very first sermon and I was waiting to hear back from Drew. Now i have preached a few times ( it still makes me nervous) and I am four weeks away from the end of my first year! This year has been quite the whirlwind and I know it will continue to be.

So I'm still on the path to ordination (as much as I can be), I'm developing what my theological stances are, constantly questioning and reexamining what my faith means to me, and have a new appreciation for the fine line between love and hate, because that is how I feel about the whole questioning and reexamining process.

God never ceases to amaze me and I am so thankful for that!

Here's to another year!

Rutgers Basketball

I decided to way in on this since I am a huge fan of women's basketball and involved in racial issues. I am going to go out on a limb here and I may really anger some people but here it goes. First what Don Imus said was wrong. However, he has said worse, others have said A lot worse. Not that others doing it make it right. Yet, I think there is a bigger issue you here. first and foremost, Imus has been on the air for a long time obviously people listen to his show and are patrons to his advertisers and therefore his show makes money and he stays on the air. Just as Howard Stern is still in the business, and many others. Look at the success of South park. A show based on making fun of other people. We justify it by saying that well they make fun of everyone, why is that acceptable?

Second, we as the black community have to look at the way we treat each other. In some hip-hop and rap music being called a nappy headed ho would be the least of my concerns. the use of the N word outrageous. How can we expect others to treat us with respect if we do not treat ourselves with respect?

We all ,every human being, needs to step up to plate and starting treating one another with respect. We need to teach our children what respect means, what it is to be respectful. That is missing big time right now in all communities. I glad that Imus is being called to task on this, but I am sad that every case of racism gets this kind of attention. If we don't make some serious changes this is a story that will be back again and again.

Finally, think it is a shame that the Rutgers women's basketball team and women's basketball are only making the press for these issues and not the successes they achieved this year.

More about Easter

I said that I would update the Easter post so here it is. So the past few weeks I have had a lot questions about rather or not I would seek ordination. My break helped me do some critical thinking about the question. I have always leaned on the side of getting ordained, and I still do. And I am by no means at the point where I can absolutely say yes that is where I will end up. I think now I just have more clarity on both sides of the issues, before it was so easy for me to get caught up in the negative.

The lunch I had with a friend on Good Friday and The sermon Easter morning really put things in perspective. Lunch with my friend really left me truly questioning why would I get ordained when there are points that I so clearly disagree with church on. The Easter sermon answered that for me. I believe in a powerful God. I believe in the Resurrection. I believe that in the hard times I get my strength from God. None of that is really new for me but this Easter I heard it very differently. My seminary friend and I chatted afterward and we both felt that we had been called on the carpet. Are we ready to put our faith where our mouths are?

I was also struck by a very different part of the scripture this year. The women hadn't listened, they were looking for Jesus in the tomb when they had been told he would be risen. It made me think what haven't I been listening to?

So my new plan is to listen. I need to be a much better listener

Quickie

Just a quick post, I'll probably expand on it later. I had the most wonderful holy week. There was a nice mix of family time, school work, and church.

Speaking of church Easter morning was the rejuvenation I needed.

More later off to class