Thursday, June 12, 2008

Social Norms

So for those of you who know me (and really I think it is only my few friends who know about this blog who actually read it) and for those of you who don't no that typically i like to throw social norms right out the window. But lately I have been focusing a lot on one social norm in particular... that a girl in her mind twenties should be looking for "the one" and for whatever reason I have been really caught up in this lately. I have been aware of it for about the past year, but the last few weeks I have been dwelling on it. I know a large part of that lies in the fact that very few men especially mid-20 to early-30 men want to date pastors [ yes i did research ;-)]. The second problem is that the majority of my friends are either married, engaged, or in a very serious relationship. Fourth I am fully aware that i am a lot like my Aunts and 4 out of the seven aren't married. So I am just feeling like the odds are against me.

That has led me to make some bad relationship decisions over the last two years. First was commitment phobe boy who really like that we had a long distance relationship. Who also, wasn't so into God let alone the whole Church thing, but at least said he was supportive of me. And truthfully of the bunch he was the best at truly listening to me. And he was one heck of a kisser!

Followed by soon to be lawyer summer fling who was all wrong for me and a total jerk

Then there was really nice, really sweet, good head on his shoulders engineer. Who wasn't into the whole church thing but was raised Methodist and wasn't anti-church. He even came to hear me preach a few times, and went to the ballet with me. However, broke up with me over the phone because, " you are a wonderful person, but I just thought I would be more into at this point ( we had been dating a little more the 6months) and before i get married I think i need more dating experience." Yes he said this to me over the phone. Yes i was upset, but honestly there was no real spark there as much as I tried to convince myself that there was!

Followed, by best friend who I had a crush on, who I spilled my guts to, who I now now i will never date, because we have totally different views on how relationships work. I have come to realize I am way more mature than he is even though he would never admit that, nor do I think will he ever see it.

And my last ( hopefully) bad choice, musician who used to play in the band of above mentioned, who is going through a divorce and has a child. Need i say more? But just in case let's just say i listened to him pour out his heart and soul recently and haven't heard from him since.....

So i am making a pact with myself and all of you. i am not allowed to dwell on this. Yes, I can talk about it here or there but i am not allowed to dwell. All good things take time right?....


Anonymous said...


And we'll do lunch, and I promise not to say stupid things like, 'who wants to date a pastor?'

(hey, remember, those guys didn't say no, they just had particular concerns)

No dwelling. Look at you, girlfriend! You study and preach the Word of God! You take your authority and work it! Like you need a man to complete you? WTF?

pastor to be said...

Yes Becca you are right WTF!

jadedjabber said...

I sort of hear ya. I was at home and decided I was getting to the age where I need to have children so I can still be a youngish grandma..... No, I don't worry about what I am going to do today. I'm worried how old my grandchildren will be when I'm 60.

Oh we are a pair.

I'll be your old hag pal! We will at least have each other.

jadedjabber said...

you make a good point, Lured. Hadn't thought of that. However, statistically at least one of my 17 children will have a child.....