Happy Birthday Shout Out

This is not normal for my blog, but it is something that I must do. I know she pops in occasionally so I have to wish my Pastor a very very very happy _0 Birthday!

I know you weren't looking forward to this birthday, but you have done amazing things in you time here so far, and I know there are many more things to come.

Thank you for your unending support. I hope you have a wonderful day!!!!!

Spiritual Disciplines

So this week for our Public Practice of theology class we had to write a paper about our spiritual lives and our spiritual disciplines. I realized what a drastic change I have made over the past year and a half. It's been a year and a half since I experienced my call to ministry. Right before that time my prayer life had picked up a bit, but I didn't have to much else going on spiritually. Then came this very unexpected, sometimes till scary, but for the most wonderful call to ministry, and I tired to instill other spiritual disciplines in my life. The growth of those disciplines have been very helpful in my life. I feel that I my stress level while it tends to be higher ( I am in seminary folks!) it doesn't get the best of me a easily. Journaling and prayer are the most helpful with that. My prayer life has been great lately. It funny because everyone tells you that is the first to go in seminary. My Bible study ( beyond what we have to go for class) has been ok, but definitely has room for improvement.

Last night was my first meeting with my spiritual direction group. What an awesome and helpful experience.

For the past few weeks I've struggled a little bit with my call because I'm disappointed/disillusioned with the organized Church. However, somewhere along the line I turned that into disappointment/disillusionment with God. When really that was not the case at all. It's with the Church. I have no doubt about God or the presence of God in my life.

The weekend

So I have to be honest I didn't know what to expect this weekend. I went back to my undergrad for homecoming weekend. I skipped out on homecoming last year to attend my aunt's 50th birthday party. I had no idea what to expect especially because I am a totally different person from the person I was in undergrad. The first thing everyone wanted to know was " is she going to go to the bar?" Yes, I was a party girl in undergrad. And yes I went to the bar with my friends and yes I had a drink. I think it put everyone at ease. A lot of my friends and acquaintances still aren't sure of what to make of me going into the ministry, but it lead to a lot of great conversations.

I not only saw my peers, but I also got to visit with my former professors and our campus ministers. We talked a lot about the direction of the church. How young people are reacting, what we can do change the perceptions of church. I got lots of advice to enjoy seminary and to learn as much as I can, and get as many experiences as I can.

Overall it was fun weekend. I saw almost everyone I wanted to. I did miss some key people (sorry sis). But I did realize the past is the past and there is no going back.

Personality test

Everyone else was doing and I thought it was fun:

Benevolent Designer

not sure why it is showing up twice

Reading week

So It's reading week, and I had this wonderful idea that while it was reading week I was going to spend all my time getting ahead. Not just getting my work done for next week but really and truly getting ahead..... well that didn't work. It's crazy how much better I am about getting my work done when I don't have time to do it. So needless to say next weeks assignments are mostly read and I at least looked at my assignments for the following week. Oh well I guess my brain just needed a little break. At least I don't have any mid-terms or big papers due.

The good thing is today I start my traveling. I am visiting my one of my College friends in Philly today and tomorrow thru Sunday I'll be in Ohio visiting another friend! So reading week was useful for something.

Dear Church:Letters From a Disillusioned Generation

I've decided that I needed to do some simple pleasure reading. I know it's sounds crazy to most with all the reading that we do in seminary that I would picked to do more reading for enjoyment, but reading has always been my relaxation method. So I picked up a book about church(cause I jsut can't get enough) and my generation's disillusionment with the institutional church. I have really enjoyed it. Simply because it doesn't just point out the problems that my generation has with the church, but it puts some feelings behind it. Not only that, the book let's us know we do not have to disillusioned forever. There's a website that goes along with it www.dearchurch.com

I struggle all the time with my frustration of being called to ordained ministry, but feeling that the church in its current state just isn't what it should/could be. I want so much to be part of the positive change but fear that I may be stopped in my tracks. What keeps me strong is knowing the God is with me on this. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that. Sometimes I question the heck out of God as to why I'm here and if I can really do what God is calling me to do, but I just have to remember I'm not in any of this alone.

Identity

So much for trying to post at least once a week.. oh the life of a seminarian.

Lately I have been pretty down and I could not figure out why. I kept saying I needed some type of social justice issue to sink myself into, yet I could not figure out what. However, I realized that I was searching for an outward struggle because I am facing an internal struggle. I am having a struggle with my identity. My father is black my mother is white. I am mixed. Yet my skin color is very light. Most people just assume that I am white. However, I am much closer to my dad;s side of the family, so that is where I would prefer to identify myself.

Here at Drew there is such diversity and a lot of cultural opportunities for all kinds of cultures. IT is wonderful, but my struggle is finding my place in the balls community. It is where my heart is, but I just do not feel like I fit there. And maybe that is just my stuff. It may be all in my head that I am not accepted. I feel that I kind of am but I always feel like I have to prove some something.