Breakthrough!!!

Ok Wow I just had a really really big break through moment. I just read a friend/colleague's blog and I also listened to the first ever young people's address and when I got up to do some of the chores that I need to do I just had a breakthrough. I know why conference encourages me more than it drains me. It shows me how passionate we are about our denomination. Rather I agree with where the passions are placed is not it important but there are a lot of us there who are desperately passionate about our church.

And I can stay a part of this church and become an ordained member of its clergy because I to am passionate about this church. I am passionate about the church but I am NOT the church. I am me I represent my spirituality and my faith, I represent Christianity, i represent the United Methodist church, but the I am not the United Methodist church. I am simply a valuable piece of the body. I can still represent my visions and dreams wholly and with integrity even when i am in direct disgorgement with the church. In the same way that i feel that I can pastor/lead a church of varying views and opinions.

I envision an church that will never be unified in the way that we would like to be, but unified in the idea that we are all God's children. We all need to walk with Christ. We need to love wholly and fully.

First heart warming moment

So I have had my first hear warming moment at conference and I'm not even there yet! I am watching the live stream from TX and they just had a little girl on who fund raises with her church for the Nothing but nets campaign and yes it is those moments that give me hope for our denomination!!!!

General Conference

This week started the General Conference of the methodist Church. It is an exciting and sad time. I am excited that I will get to spend the last four days at the conference. I am sure that I will do plenty of blogging as news comes out of the conference as well. I ask that you keep us all in your prayers trust me we need them!

PS- They are streaming the conference live!

Friday Five

Friday Five: For Just 24 Hours...

Yesterday I had the 24 hour flu. I had been told by the people who had it first that it really was a twenty-four hour bug. And so while I dealt with all the blech of the flu, I kept reminding myself that morning would come and I would feel a lot better.

This is certainly a strange way to start out a Friday Five but it made me think about what I might like to do if I knew it would only last for 24 hours. There are no reality boundaries to these imaginings. So here are the five things for you to consider...

1. If you could dramatically change your physical appearance for 24 hours, what would you do? Dye my Hair Blonde.. if I did anything else I'd want it to stay more than 24 hours


2. If you could live in another place for 24 hours where would you go? SPAIN hands down no questions asked
   


3. You get to do somebody else's job for a day... Pat Summit ( coach of the Tennessee Lady Vols)
   


4. Spend the day with another person from anywhere in time and space... My Uncle Clarence
   


5. A magical power is yours. Which one would you pick? so if i wasn't in school it would be Mind Reading but since I am in school it is would be to be like Samantha in Bewtiched I could twitch my nose and get all of my papers done!
   

Big Family

For the majority of my life I have loved having 7 aunts. They have spoiled me rotten and have treated me somewhere in between sister and niece my entire life. In fact most of my cousins grew up very confused as to rather I was aunt or cousin. I love and respect them all.

However, right now with the care of my grandfather it has become very difficult. We all have opinions of what should happen and how it should happen. Unfortunately we are not communicating any of that amongst the group. There are all of these alliances. I don't really think that are alliances as much as it is a pain to have to call 6 people to let them know what is going on. Pius we are dealing with very emotional information. I get it.

What I don't get is how we are letting this tear our family apart. I truly believed we would be one of those family who would talk about things and work together to care for my grandparents AND care for one another. I seriously don't know what saddens me more the declining health of my grandfather or the declining state of my family.

What is worse is I don't know what to do. Part of me says voice your opinions. Tell them from your perspective as both a granddaughter and pastor that tearing each other apart isn't helping the situation. Part me wants to say just be a granddaughter live in oblivion, drive grandpa to a doctor's appointment, take my grandparents on errands, etc. But other than that just stay out of it. I just want what is best for the family but I don't know what that is....

Israel and updates

I am so excited in four months I will be going to Israel. It will be my first time and it seems as though I am traveling with a great group of people. I am really excited. It will be so awesome to see the holy sights with thousands of others and to be in the land that Jesus walked. I am just in awe of the fact that it is really going to happen.

In other news everything else is going well. School is going pretty well. I am not really enjoying my classes, but I am at least getting the work done. My class on loss and grief is actually in my favorite class it is the most informative class. The second half of my supervised ministry class is ok too. The work for that class is ridiculous, but when we get together for class we have great discussions and the precept leader is great she knows how to get us talking and is very supportive. My other two classes are requirements and I am just plugging through them. Music and world religion was very interesting last week as we learned about Jewish music, but it is the first time that I was really engaged in class.

Church is going well. I feel as though i am really starting to build relationships. they seem excited to have me and I getting more excited about being there. I can do that partly though because I know i won't be there forever.

Personally there is lots swirling around me which hopefully I'll be able to blog about soon but over all I'm feel pretty good. I'm totally enjoying the nice weather. I think 25 is going to be a great year!

fun stuff

1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks.
Stream or a Creek but never a crick
2. What the thing you push around the grocery store is called.
shopping cart
3. A metal container to carry a meal in.
lunch box
4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in.
frying pan or a griddle
5. The piece of furniture that seats three people.
couch
6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof.
gutters
7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening.
porch

8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages.
Soda

9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup.
pancakes

10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself.
Sub

11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach.
bathing suit

12. Shoes worn for sports.
sneakers

13. Putting a room in order.
picking up

14. A flying insect that glows in the dark.
fire fly

15. The little insect that curls up into a ball.
little insect that curls up in a ball

16. The children's playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down.
see-saw

17. How do you eat your pizza?
folded
18. What's it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff?
garage sale or yard sale

19. What's the evening meal?
Dinner ... supper is what you have Sunday night when you had a bid dinner at lunch time

20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are?
Basement
21. What do you call the thing that you can get water out of to drink in public places?
Water fountain

My second favorite Soapbox

So yesterday I posted from my favorite soapbox, race. Today I am posting from my second favorite soapbox sexism. I have experienced sexism my entire life. In first grade I decided that I wanted to play basketball. Well there wasn't a place for first grade girls to play basketball. So my dad convinced the varsity coach who was having a clinic for 3-7 grade girls to let me participate. He agreed to help run a clinic for younger girls the following year if they let me participate. So that is what happened. There was no league for girls just a clinic. SO when I entered third grade i played boys biddy basketball. The coach was not happy to have a girl on the team and boys tried to beat me up as often as they could. Trust me I held my own.

Well we have come a long way in 15 years. Now women's college basketball is televised regularly, there is a professional league that is also televised. Not that either get equal coverage but it is at least better. There also many more sports opportunities for young women that not I did not have.

Well unfortunately my local paper hasn't caught the bug. They have posted the brackets for the men's tournament four days in a row, the women's bracket ZERO. Today they did run an article about the women's NCAA tournament. The problem with the article is was about how several women playing in the tournament have connections to male professional athletes. No I am not kidding! Sadly I feel as though every year I write a letter to the paper so that it isn't going to do to much I just think it is sad with as much progress has been made we still have to fight for media coverage.

Obama '08

For a very ling time I have been leaning toward Obama over Clinton. I like them both and if Mrs. Clinton is nominated I'm 90% sure she will get my vote. Yet after reading Obama's speech on race and on his pastor he has my vote. As has been the case over the course of this blog I written about race and my struggle with my own racial identity. I think racism and the concept of race are two issues that I feel most passionate about in my life. I also feel the connection to this particular scenario, because I stand in a pulpit every week and I am working toward my ordination. So this case could not hit any loser to home.

Obama has true vision and hope for this country. Without vision and hope we have nothing. We are a country that is spiraling downward, economically, socially, educationally, etc. I think Barack Obama can be the leader who turns us around, who bring some sense of unity to congress and to our nation.

I applaud his honesty in what it is to live the black experience, what it is to come from a multiracial/ multicultural family. He didn't let anyone off the hook, not his pastor, not even his own grandmother. What he did was name real experience. For all those who question his political experience, I say to them you may be right, he may not have as many votes in the senate, he may not have deep connections through out the world, he may not already be connected to the inner workings of Washington and then I say but all of that has not worked for us so far. All of those connections and types of world experience is great but if you lack hope and vision what good are they?

ETA: I hope no one sitting in my congregation runs for office and is held accountable for my statements!

Oh how I love March

I know I am one of the few people who feel this way but I think March is one of the best months of the year! First and foremost there is March Madness. Between conference tourney and then the NCAA tourney both men's and women's who could ask for anything else but there is more Especially this year. There is spring break ( which I spent most of in San Diego) then there is Holy week which yes is busy but has always been one of my favorite times of the year! AND there is my BIRTHDAY and this year I am 25! Only five more years til thirty and yes I am excited about that. And then there is the minor holiday of St Patty's day which is typically a good time with my friends. And Of course when you get to march spring is right around the corner THANK GOD!!! Yes it is finally march and things are starting to look up again :-)

Exciting things

I have lots of fun stuff coming up

San Diego with one of my closest HS friends
Palm Sunday
Easter
March Madness
My 25th Birthday!
End of the semester is in sight!

I am

Some times I feel like all I do on this blog is complain. So i wanted to post something positive here. I have been going through a lot of angst in my life lately and I have realized that quite a bit of it is self created. A lot of it come out of trying to live my life through someone else's lens. I know that there will be more angst to come, but I I think some of it will settle because a huge monkey came off m back today. As a result of some conversation with a few important people in my life I have come to claim a few things about myself and I think they need to be posted here.
I am a child of God
I am a friend
I am a sister
I am a daughter
I am called to ministry
I am biracial
I am ready for a struggle
I am me

General Conference

Ok so General conference is coming up in the Methodist church and there has already been a lot of blogging going on already. And of course the hot button issues of human sexuality keeps rearing it's head. Here's my question why is that the one issue both sides dig in their feet for and are ready to fight till possibly the death? Now I am of course one of those people I do feel that it is a very important issue of inclusively, love and civil rights. I am not throwing any stones in glass houses here or I am at least not trying too.

However, I don't feel like there are any other really burning issues that people are really passionate about. Maybe I just don't know enough yet. Maybe, there are other issues that we feel passionate about. I know that we need to start getting passionate about saving the Church. Not just the Methodist church but the church in general. We are losing a whole generation and I am afraid we are simply going to continue losing generations. I think we need to look at how far we have gone away from Wesley's vision ( at least in my opinion).

So what do you think is important? What issues should we as a church be discussing


***** Beth Quick has a similar conversation going on over at her blog

Lots of questions no answers

So I haven't really had much inspiration to blog recently. Or at least when I have an idea I typically have at least 101 other things to do. However yesterday I had lunch with one of my classmates Melissa who along with her husband and two of our other classmates want to do a church plant in New England.

Melissa and I of course had a conversation about church and how frustrating it can be yet how much we love it . Especially the United Methodist Church. Melissa is debating about what to do next year as to rather or not to take a part-time appointment or to take a job as more of a program/ small groups director at another church. When talking to the pastor at the church of her second option she was asked a simple question... "Why aren't doing what you already know want (called?) to do?" And that got us talking at lunch. Why aren't we living out the ministry we called to do. Yes I know many of your are thinking you are seminary is part of the process you are living out your call. And yes in many way I agree with you. But there is also this part me that wonders about why is ordination so important ( yes it still is very important to me I'll discuss that in another post) and why are we so drawn to the Methodist Church even when sometimes it becomes and optical to what we feel called to do.

We didn't come up with a whole lot of answers during this conversation. (To be honest at seminary we never really do come up with answers, but we sure do know how to complain!) However, it did really get me thinking. Truly thinking about how to at least start to come up with plausible solutions (if we ever do come up with solutions they typically are to idealistic/unrealistic).

Right now I am at the point where for me personally, I need to truly get down to what I want vs what I am called to do. I need to set aside some of the want pieces and be authentic in my call. I need to accept that there are obstacles that at this point are very navigable. I need to stop living in both the fear of failure and the strange feel of success. In some ways feel as though I am my own biggest obstacle.

As if i didn't know this already

I knew this already so I don't know it is coming as a shock... but the church still doesn't get it. I keeping hoping and I keep seeing glimpses that the church wants to change. At least they are talking about wanting to change. And even occasionally thinking about just skipping the 20th century since we already missed that, and moving into the 21st. However, today we sat an in all day meeting with our bishop talking about change and visioning, and again I saw these glimpses of hey we are getting this, even the leadership is moving in the right direction. especially when she talked about her vision for merging conferences which is going to happen very soon. i was actually inspired by that.

However are are so not ready ready for a post modern church. It is even still hard for us to think on the post modern perspective, before we throw it out the window. I must say though I did have a really good conversation with a pastor who I have meta few times, but I would have never this type of conversation with. She has been really changed by the church she is serving and is seeing ministry in a whole new light in a very positive way. so that made the day a little more worth while.

Political matchin quiz

I found this interesting... i am happy though that John Edwards is at the top of my viable candidates. i have like him from the beginning. We just need a Dem in the white house!

79% John Edwards
78% Mike Gravel
78% Dennis Kucinich
73% Barack Obama
71% Hillary Clinton
67% Joe Biden
65% Chris Dodd
64% Bill Richardson
43% Rudy Giuliani
33% John McCain
28% Mitt Romney
27% Mike Huckabee
25% Tom Tancredo
16% Fred Thompson
15% Ron Paul

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

Watching the debates

I'm watching the facebook/ABC/NH debates.. and can i just say right now the Republicans are really pissing me off! They seem to be some of the most unamerican unchristian people I have ever heard. so I wasn't going to vote republican and i am certainly not going to now.



Democrats
Phil Richardson:
How do ask another government step aside?
good of of turning it positive!

Hillary Clinton: way to take it down the negative path

Barack Obama: I wish you would explain why you have changed your mind. So they can stop attacking you for it.

John Edwards:
so how about we just start nuclear world war three greeeeaaattt

Ok i got tired and stopped bloging my comments




Everyone: THE UNTIED STATES OF AMERICA DOES NOT GET TO DECIDE THE GOVERNMENT OF EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD IF THEY ARE NOT A DIRECT THREAT TO US LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!!

I am also very sick of them talking about people who have changed their minds. yes i understand that we have to look at voting record, but if a person has a valid reason for changing their mind, and can defend the change of mind then that should be good enough! people are allowed to change!


Overall Thoughts:
In the very beginning i was torn between Hillary and Barack. I really really wanted to support Hillary, but I really don't think that she makes good points., she chooses words poorly, she opened the door up attacks against herself. I just don't know if i can go there. I think that I would rather see Barack or Edwards. if Hillary gets nominated she will most likely get my vote but I am really struggling to support her right now. I love that Hillary and Barack dodged the last question. Phil Richardson may have been the best on that question.

Friday five

New year resolutions Friday 5

Well it had to be didn't it, love them or hate them I bet you've been asked about New Year resolutions. So with no more fuss here is this weeks Friday Five;

1. Do you make New Year resolutions? yes

2. Is this something you take seriously, or is it a bit of fun? I try to take them seriously

3. Share one goal for 2008. Always be honest with myself

4. Money is no barrier, share one wild/ impossible dream for 2008 Spend three months in Colombia, three months in Argentina, three months in Uganda, and three months in Spain

5. Someone wants to publish a story of your year in 2008, what will the title of that book be? Faith: It's a Good Struggle.

Couldn't resist

The Recipe For Pastor to be

3 parts Dignity 2 parts Aspiration 1 part Humor Splash of Cleverness Finish off with an olive

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

Year End Post

So it is December 31st. I can't believe the year 2007 is over. I am not quite sure what to thing about this year. I do know that the year really flew by. It seems like it was just a few months ago that I was packing to go to Guatemala. Guatemala was with out a doubt a life changing experience. I am so glad i took that trip. 2007 was the first full calendar year that I spent in seminary. It has probably been the toughest year of my academic and personal life. I have grown and changed a lot over this year. My friendships have become the most important piece of my life. with out these friendships I don't know how I would survive. This year I have really learned the friends that I can count out, and what it truly means to be a friend. I have learned that friends come and go and that going doesn't always need to be a dramatic event. That sometimes friendships just change and occasionally they end, but that does not make them any less valuable.

In 2007 I learned the values and stress of family. My grandfather's health is starting to fail. My father went through his first surgery. i have seen what it is to try and keep track of three house holds, and how large families are a blessing and a curse all at once. I have learned that family goes far beyond blood. that there are some friendships that blur the line of friend and family and for all of those people who blur that line I am most grateful.

There are two things that are very clear to me about 2007. I am going to become a minister and ministry will always be a part of me in some way shape or form. The second thing that is most clear to me in 2007 is that I am still learning what it means to be an adult, but maybe that is something that we never fully accomplish or maybe it is...

I wish everyone a happy and healthy 2008!