Israel and updates

I am so excited in four months I will be going to Israel. It will be my first time and it seems as though I am traveling with a great group of people. I am really excited. It will be so awesome to see the holy sights with thousands of others and to be in the land that Jesus walked. I am just in awe of the fact that it is really going to happen.

In other news everything else is going well. School is going pretty well. I am not really enjoying my classes, but I am at least getting the work done. My class on loss and grief is actually in my favorite class it is the most informative class. The second half of my supervised ministry class is ok too. The work for that class is ridiculous, but when we get together for class we have great discussions and the precept leader is great she knows how to get us talking and is very supportive. My other two classes are requirements and I am just plugging through them. Music and world religion was very interesting last week as we learned about Jewish music, but it is the first time that I was really engaged in class.

Church is going well. I feel as though i am really starting to build relationships. they seem excited to have me and I getting more excited about being there. I can do that partly though because I know i won't be there forever.

Personally there is lots swirling around me which hopefully I'll be able to blog about soon but over all I'm feel pretty good. I'm totally enjoying the nice weather. I think 25 is going to be a great year!

I am

Some times I feel like all I do on this blog is complain. So i wanted to post something positive here. I have been going through a lot of angst in my life lately and I have realized that quite a bit of it is self created. A lot of it come out of trying to live my life through someone else's lens. I know that there will be more angst to come, but I I think some of it will settle because a huge monkey came off m back today. As a result of some conversation with a few important people in my life I have come to claim a few things about myself and I think they need to be posted here.
I am a child of God
I am a friend
I am a sister
I am a daughter
I am called to ministry
I am biracial
I am ready for a struggle
I am me

Lots of questions no answers

So I haven't really had much inspiration to blog recently. Or at least when I have an idea I typically have at least 101 other things to do. However yesterday I had lunch with one of my classmates Melissa who along with her husband and two of our other classmates want to do a church plant in New England.

Melissa and I of course had a conversation about church and how frustrating it can be yet how much we love it . Especially the United Methodist Church. Melissa is debating about what to do next year as to rather or not to take a part-time appointment or to take a job as more of a program/ small groups director at another church. When talking to the pastor at the church of her second option she was asked a simple question... "Why aren't doing what you already know want (called?) to do?" And that got us talking at lunch. Why aren't we living out the ministry we called to do. Yes I know many of your are thinking you are seminary is part of the process you are living out your call. And yes in many way I agree with you. But there is also this part me that wonders about why is ordination so important ( yes it still is very important to me I'll discuss that in another post) and why are we so drawn to the Methodist Church even when sometimes it becomes and optical to what we feel called to do.

We didn't come up with a whole lot of answers during this conversation. (To be honest at seminary we never really do come up with answers, but we sure do know how to complain!) However, it did really get me thinking. Truly thinking about how to at least start to come up with plausible solutions (if we ever do come up with solutions they typically are to idealistic/unrealistic).

Right now I am at the point where for me personally, I need to truly get down to what I want vs what I am called to do. I need to set aside some of the want pieces and be authentic in my call. I need to accept that there are obstacles that at this point are very navigable. I need to stop living in both the fear of failure and the strange feel of success. In some ways feel as though I am my own biggest obstacle.

Year End Post

So it is December 31st. I can't believe the year 2007 is over. I am not quite sure what to thing about this year. I do know that the year really flew by. It seems like it was just a few months ago that I was packing to go to Guatemala. Guatemala was with out a doubt a life changing experience. I am so glad i took that trip. 2007 was the first full calendar year that I spent in seminary. It has probably been the toughest year of my academic and personal life. I have grown and changed a lot over this year. My friendships have become the most important piece of my life. with out these friendships I don't know how I would survive. This year I have really learned the friends that I can count out, and what it truly means to be a friend. I have learned that friends come and go and that going doesn't always need to be a dramatic event. That sometimes friendships just change and occasionally they end, but that does not make them any less valuable.

In 2007 I learned the values and stress of family. My grandfather's health is starting to fail. My father went through his first surgery. i have seen what it is to try and keep track of three house holds, and how large families are a blessing and a curse all at once. I have learned that family goes far beyond blood. that there are some friendships that blur the line of friend and family and for all of those people who blur that line I am most grateful.

There are two things that are very clear to me about 2007. I am going to become a minister and ministry will always be a part of me in some way shape or form. The second thing that is most clear to me in 2007 is that I am still learning what it means to be an adult, but maybe that is something that we never fully accomplish or maybe it is...

I wish everyone a happy and healthy 2008!

Winding Down

The Semester is winding down and the year is winding down. I haven't been blogging as much as often as i normally do. Not because I don't have a lot going on because some of it is not blogable and some because I have completely lacked motivation to do so. I am in such a weird place in my life. Last week at school i had a really crappy week. i don't know exactly what ti was but I felt really stressed and sad. The worst part about it was that i could with out a doubt feel God in it. It was a very odd place to be in. I;m starting to come out of that a little bit now.

Right now I have one final and one paper standing in the way of my break. I decided not to take a class over Jan term. I have five goals for myself over the month of Jan.:

1. Visit some friends this is already planned so i know i will get this done

2. Fill out and send off my application for CPE yes i know I am probably already to late
3. Get some planning done for Church
4. read at least two books not for school
5. Get back into a regular gym routine that I can maintain during school

In other news I cut my hair. And I mean I really cut it. I had about 10 inches cut off and I donated it. I am getting used to the new style but everyone else seems to like it. I also lately have been worried about being single forever. While I am fully aware there is nothing wrong with being single for some reason the past week and half i have been really dwelling on it. I used to be the girl who championed singleness. Oh well. Not to much else is really going on. I am excited about getting to see my friends over January. I have some other political/ social justice/church stuff I am going to blog about but they will have to wait.

Off to bed before the final tmw

Found this interesting

I found this interesting.. I found this at cheesehead's and she found it elsewhere:

As found at Mary Beth's place. Here is a game developed by Jeanne of Social Class and Quakers, based on the copyrighted exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University.

If you play and post, please acknowledge their copyright.

Bold items are privileges I have had. Italics are mine.

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children's books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp (sports and church camps)
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child it was done by family friends
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

Bullet Style

Life has been crazy so here it is...

• I am grateful for my friends
  
• I am missing my college friends big time
• There is only two weeks left in the semester... where did the time go
• This week I go before my DCOM to become a certified candidate
• The field Hockey team that I have been helping coach lost in the state semifinals. They had a great season and were a fun bunch to coach
• I have never laughed so much in one weekend
  
• You need a lot of laughter to spend three days with 21 teenage girls
• Death is never easy unexpected death at a young age even harder
• Just when i think i have one particular situation under control it blows up again
• I live in dualities
• The church I serve always surprises in both good and bad
• We need change I'm just not sure how to get it...

Sorry that some of these are cryptic but that is how it has to be

Perspective

I am watching 20/20 right now and Diane Sawyer is doing a follow up to her story on Camden, NJ . It really puts things in perspective. When you hear a 13 year old say they have never had a best day in his life, that is sad. When you see a kid who really wants to be in school, knows that his only ticket out of poverty is an education and they are willing to do whatever they need to get it. You realize how much they take for granted. You realize exactly how selfish we are and how much we live in a bubble. I just can't express right now the desperation and in honesty guilt I feel.

Hello anyone home?

That maybe the question you are asking yourself about this blog. I have not been blogging with any type of regularity this semester. There are multiple reasons for that. First, school is kicking my butt this semester. Not so much in terms of work but in terms of being mentally draining. Even then it is not the I am learning so much I don;t know what to do with myself sense. Instead in more of the I am in class I should be learning something right? sense. Not that all my classes are bad. They just aren't as stimulating and exciting as the were last year. Therefor they do not lend themselves to be blogged about.

The other reason why I have not blogged as much is because dumb boy is still in my head and sometimes i get kind of sad about that . Which then makes me angry at myself because I know that i should not be wasting any more of my time.

Luckily yesterday there were some things worth blogging about. My mentor is working on her DMin and came to school the last two days to interview some of us about our ideas about the post modern church for a project for one of her classes. It was kind of weird for me answering the questions because she knew a lot of my answers. However, it was good for me to say them out loud in a more formal setting. There is potential that the video of our interviews will be shown to my Board of Ordained Ministry and she asked if I was comfortable with that. I did not say anything too awful about the current church but I was clear in the fact that the status quo was not working and I think church hierarchy and bureaucracy are part of the reason for that. So my answer to her was yes show it to who ever you want, because I am who I am and there is room for me to change and grow however, I don't think that these views are going to change that much except for maybe get a little stronger.

Second bloggable topic that is not related to ministry or school is local elections. Ever since I was a little kid I have like politics. In high school I used regular attend city council meetings and I attended charter review meeting (my city's governing document) and even added the the changes in the charter ( I even got to write the section myself). Well yesterday was election day in my home town. There is a very clear very deep "good old boys" network in my town. that for a long time has been very powerful and in the 5-7 years has done quite a bit of damage with the decisions they have made in regard to city government and to building (my town has become high rise central with luxury apartments, condos, multi-million dollar homes.. green space what is green space???). The last two years however we have had a great female mayor who has done a lot of work in a short amount of time to change the thinking of what Saratoga should look like and taking a step back from the local issues and really listening to what the community needs. Well she was the incumbent and was viciously attacked my her opponents. She was even challenged by her own party because she actually listened to the people and some times that meant not doing what the party expected her to do. These attacks were really vicious and sad. Unfortunately despite her best efforts she lost a fairly close election.Which is really sad to me. Here was a women who was willing to take on the old guard to make things better for everyone. I did not always agree with her, but she really did seem to work for the people. Sadly, I think our new mayor will be working for the developers and contractor of the city and those who will be willing to contribute to his next campaign. I have a feeling thing are going to get much worse in my hometown before they get better....

Not pleasntly surprised

So my bf( well.. now ex ) broke up with me over the phone on Saturday.... The reason you ask " I am an amazing person, but I need more dating experience before I get married, which I would like to do in the next four years." WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Right now I am angry and sad ... and I hate being sad... angry I can handle that just takes a trip to the gym... and I feel like I should not waste time being sad on a boy who breaks up with me over the phone...